Two Dads

I have been a dad for so long now, I sometimes forget that I was once a son. That’s seems like a long time ago, and it was, but the memories of being my father’s son are a bit complicated, because in a very real sense I and my siblings had two versions of the same father.

Tom Wogan, my Dad, and my namesake was born in 1917, the second of two boys. His father would die in May of 1918, just prior to the Spanish Flu pandemic. He died of tuberculosis, as did many Irish immigrants. My dad never really had a father of his own, and I think in a way it made him stronger, but also gave him no model on which to build his own notion of fatherhood. He was first a and foremost a Chicago Fireman, but he had delivered ice, driven cabs, 18-wheeler trucks, and near the end of his life funeral hearses. He worked two jobs almost his entire life to care for his family.

I remember him in many ways from back then………….    

I think my earliest memory of my dad was in Lake Delevan, Wisconsin when I was about four years old. We rented a cottage called “The Lazy Daze” and our little family (then probably 6 or 7 in number, including the parents) was on one of our annual vacations at a lake. My parents came in from a party and they were laughing and happy and they brought in red helium balloons which fascinated me. He chucked me on the cheek as I lay in my bunk bed and handed me one of the balloons. The string was still in my hand the next morning, but the balloon had expired and was hanging below my bunk.

I see him tip-toeing around the second-floor window ledges of our two flat, changing out the storm windows with the grace, but certainly not the build, of a ballerina, while the neighbors watched in horrified anticipation that he would fall. He never did.

I see him on the golf course in his white t-shirt and black slacks (shorts were for sissies, I was told), taking a swing at a golf ball. He would stride up to it, with his short, square frame, plant his feet, take no practice swing, and then suddenly attack the ball like it owed him money. Sometimes a great shot, sometime not so much, but he loved the game, and he liked having me along for nine holes. And I have been trying to get him out of my own backswing for many, many years.

Though short, he was tough. Once I witnessed a verbal argument between my Dad and a fellow I considered to be a war hero, as he had served in the 82nd Airborne in the war. The guy was clearly intimidated and, though nothing came of the argument, I was confused. My Uncle Jimmy straightened me out. “Your Dad is a tough guy, Tommy,” he told me. It was like a revelation. 

My Dad had no fuse. He could be angered quickly and was not averse to throwing a punch. I think my younger brother Bill, who we lost in 1979, had the same mercurial makeup. I know I don’t. And yet he made friends easily and could be quite outgoing. Over a two-week vacation in Wisconsin, he started a lifelong friendship with a local bar owner named Gus Oberg. His many friends were lifelong companions from his youth and playing baseball.

He could be loving in his own way. When I was seven or eight, I screwed up and lied about it. We were vacationing on Lake Michigan and the lake was well below the bluff on which the cottage lay. He asked me to run up and bring down a tackle box, which I did, but I left the tailgate window up and open on the 1955 Chevy wagon. A thunderstorm came up and the back of the car got soaked.

He asked me if I did it and I denied it, knowing full well that it could only be me, as everyone else was down at the beach. For two days I denied it and he would not budge. I was grounded in the cottage. Even my mom started to lobby for my case, but he was adamant. Finally, I tearfully broke down and confessed. He took my by the shoulders and said, “OK, I just wanted you to tell the truth. Now go play’”. In all these years, I have never forgotten that lesson of tough love.

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In the summer of 1960, Dad had a cerebral accident, or stroke, one scary morning in Sister Lakes. We kids were scattered to other families for a few weeks before he was brought home. I next saw him in a wheelchair when he returned from the hospital. He looked smaller, tired, and a bit confused. I was afraid to go near him because he did not look like the robust, outgoing Dad I knew from just weeks before. And I was ten.

He was the same Dad, but different. He still worked full time, but he was more vulnerable, more emotional, at times, less able to control his anger. But in this altered persona was a Dad who learned to accept little acts of kindness, to let some of us do the heavy lifting now and then. He could also be sentimental.  When the 1967 snowstorm hit Chicago, my brothers and I dug out the alley to allow him to get his car into the garage. He was so proud of us he teared up, something you would have not seen before the stroke.   

And then there was the infamous incident in which my mother’s typewritten manuscript caught a gust of wind while on our way to Michigan. It was her story of her first marriage to 1Lt. Gilbert Finn, killed in 1945 over Japan. For reasons I never understood, other than his temper issues, he wouldn’t stop the car, claiming it was unsafe. My mother was distraught, seeing hours of work on her trusty Underwood typewriter suddenly gone. My sister Maureen sent her young husband Pat on an unsuccessful recovery mission of some 50 miles roundtrip, but the manuscript had scattered to the winds.    

(Authors’ note: Mom rewrote her story in a very moving letter to her late husband on what would have been his 75th birthday. Syndicated columnist Bob Greene ran it in place of his own column one day and it appeared in most major newspapers.)

Once we drove to the south side to see Dad’s cousins, the Becks. Leaving the Dan Ryan at 99th Street, an older, somewhat frail gentlemen behind us misjudged his stopping distance and bumped our car. Dad blew up, and started out the driver’s side door, murder in his eye. My mother nudged me, then at age 17, to stop him, which I did, but barely.     

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The medical world can do so much more for stroke victims today than they could in 1960. By 1968, the stroke caught up with Dad, and one July night, he fell in the living room, gone within a few minutes.

By far the more enduring image of my dad comes from those later years. I see him with his coal black hair, his olive skin, looking more Italian than Irish. I see him at the bar in Wallace’s Tavern at Adams and Laramie in his dark trousers, white t-shirt, smoking his Salem cigarette, and drinking his cold Budweiser. He is shooting the breeze with one of the other regulars, while being served by Ding Dong, the bartender. (See my article on “Joints” to learn more about” Ding Dong.”)

I see him relaxing on the bench outside the cottage at Sister Lakes or hanging on the street level patio with the other “Camp Geraldine” guests, firemen and policemen all.  I see him at his firehouse, polishing the chaplain’s “buggy” as the car was called. I see him surprising my mom and all the guests of the “Fireman’s Club” by coming out of the bedroom costumed as “Reginald Van Gleason,” a Jackie Gleeson character of that time.

Both versions of Dad had this in common: He loved his wife, loved and was very proud of his family, was a courageous firefighter, a tireless provider, and a good man. Was he perfect? No, but then who perfects fatherhood? Certainly not me.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.  

Some Dads stories……………………

He was stationed at a firehouse at Pulaski and Wilcox, known as “95’s House.” Workmen were replacing the windows along the side of the firehouse and, as it happened, the new windows were longer than the opening for the old ones. The workmen were chipping out bricks at the base of the old windowframe, when a passerby asked his firefighter buddy, Jim McInerny, why they were doing that. Jim, a consummate wise-guy fireman, replied, within earshot of my Dad,” So Wogan can see out.”  My Dad was not pleased.

He played football at Saint Philip High School at Jackson and Kedzie and once told me the story of how the coach told him to “take care” of his opposite number on the gridiron. So on the next play, as the ball was snapped, he stood up and punched the hapless player in the nose. He was ejected from the game, but was convinced he did what his coach asked.

He had a burn scar on his left thigh, roughly the size of a dinner plate. I thought he got it from a fire when I was little, but my mother told me the story of what really happened. My Dad and his only sibling, Uncle Bill, once hung around with a kid they called “Terrible Tommy Finn.” He was terrible indeed, pouring gasoline on my Dad’s pants, and causing the burn, tricking Uncle Bill into looking into an open fuel cannister and then tossing a match in afterward, burning Bills face. His finale involved accidently killing some poor guy on a hunting trip by firing a shotgun as the victim slept on a couch.

Cars were important to him and when I earned my driver’s license, we had a lot of fights. I once asked a girl to a dance and we had a three-day running battle over my borrowing the 1963 Pontiac Catalina. My mom finally got him to relent, but the next day when he discovered a pack of Marlboro cigarettes on the front seat (mine), he came upstairs like Christ into the temple and my mom had to calm him down again. This from Mr. two-packs a day of Salems.  

He had a sense of the layout of Chicago that would rival Google Maps. In the days when he drove the Fire Department Chaplain, Monsignor William Gorman, they would be on their way to a fire. The good Monsignor, who had no sense of direction, telling him where to turn. And Dad was not able to correct the obvious errors.  Invariably, they would be lost, and Monsignor would say “Well, Tom, we made a mistake. “

In his last years, while driving funeral livery, which understandably is day-to-day work, he was always happy to get “a trip” as he referred to a funeral assignment. The calls usually came in around dinnertime and he had given a private phone line to his network of funeral directors. We quickly named it the “deadline.” Unfortunately, my sister Rita also gave the number to her friends. One evening, as the phone rang and he jumped from the table, happy to have work for the next day, the caller asked for Rita. Everyone ran for cover.

Goodbye to the Singing Bridge and other stories of Sister Lakes

If my family has a spiritual home, it must be in Sister Lakes, Michigan, for that was the site of our many annual pilgrimages each summer, usually for two or sometimes three weeks. The tales from these vacations have been retold so many times that you can often hear a groan in the room (usually from a long suffering in-law) when someone decides to pop one open again. Some of those memories actually happened, though they have put on some weight in the retelling. Some sort of happened and have been happily distorted by the re-teller of the tale. And some probably never happened, having been reengineered in the minds of various family members about what should have happened or what they wish had happened. Although I have, at times, been in all three of those camps, I’ll try to keep my telling of this tale as accurate as I can.

Chicago is surrounded by many popular vacation lakes: Lake Geneva in Wisconsin, Cedar Lake in Indiana, the Chain of Lakes near the Wisconsin border, Michiana’s shoreline and the Michigan side of the Great Lake itself, to name only a few. Every family probably has its favorite and thousands of Chicagoans filled all of those cottages each summer, so I am sure that each of those families could tell their own version of a vacation story. The late, great PBS storyteller Jean Shepherd, author of the classic Christmas Story, wrote an unforgettable and seldom seen sequel entitled “Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss” and it touches many of the same summer vacation memories.

Our story was mostly Sister Lakes in Southwest Michigan, about 110 miles from the West Side of Chicago. Six small lakes surrounded by little frame cottages, many built in the thirties and forties. Their names were Little Crooked, Big Crooked, Dewey, Magician, Cable and Round Lake, all within a circle of no more than a few miles. Most of my memories are from Round Lake, where we rented from the Clancy family and a few from Little Crooked Lake, where we rented from the Hayes family. The vacation I am describing here was from about 1957, 1958, or 1959.

Mighty preparations.

Today most people would think nothing of driving 110 miles there and back on the same day, if necessary. I know I’ve done it a few times. But in the 50’s and 60’s the Interstate system of highways we take for granted today was in its infancy. 110 miles took about five hours, not the hour and forty give minutes it would take in an off-traffic period today.  Then, your car was “flying” at a whopping sixty miles per hour, where today eighty-two is the unofficial legal speed limit on the open road.

My mother and father prepared for those five hours as if we were embarking on a trans-oceanic voyage. My dad would have the 1955 Chevy wagon car tuned up, tires looked at, oil changed. That year, he had some friend of his hook up a do-it-yourself window washer, which consisted of a water bag that rode on an inside fender and a metal lever the driver could pull to wash the windshield. When fired, it shot over our windshield entirely and watered the window of the car behind us. We tried to keep from laughing.

My mother began planning meals for ten people as if there was no food for sale east of the Indiana State Line. Do the math for three weeks times three meals a day, factor in the limited refrigeration of the time, and you’ll see her challenge. Our mobile refrigeration consisted of a red metal Coca Cola cooler, and it amazed me how much she managed to fit in there.  And then there was clothing. We had one or two cloth suitcases, but everything else was in duffle bags, boxes, or gym bags.

All of this had to fit in one nine passenger wagon, augmented by the “carrier”, an aluminum deck with suction cups that rode on the roof and which no one really trusted to stay on the roof, but it did for years. Of course, it wouldn’t all fit. My father would enlist someone with a car, that year Frank and Mary O’Brien. Frank was a former fireman pensioned off from having fallen off a fire truck years earlier, and their two children were older than us, so they had the time and they were just giving, warm people by nature. The O’Brien’s were given some of the cargo load, plus one or two kids.

Launching the Mission

The Saturday morning when we left for vacation was the best morning this side of Christmas. Our own personal Wogan Family “Great Getting’ Up Morning”, as it might be called in the Old Testament (Book of Exodus, to be exact). We woke up on our own, early, got dressed, had a sweet roll from Schneider’s Bakery, a rare treat which my father had picked up that morning to mark this great day; it was also to hold us over until we arrived at a real breakfast, still several hours away. Our cousin, Billy, having been given a parole by his parents so that he could escape from his seven sisters, had been dropped off and was eager to put 100 miles between him and them.

My mother would grow more and more frustrated with the lack of cooperation she was getting. Finally, when we heard her say, “We’re Not Going!” we knew we were getting close to launch.

Luggage, boxes of food, bags of clothing, fishing poles, tackle box, golf clubs, dolls, beach toys, blankets and bedding, towels, comic books, and seven or eight children plus one cousin ready to board. My father had no intention of second guessing all these little bladders, so a mandatory bathroom stop was ordered before being assigned a seat.

In the Time Before Safety

It should be noted here that by current safety standards, my entire family should have been wiped out several times over on these trips. There were no seats belts installed in the car, my dad chain smoked his Salem’s out the window the whole way, various kids would stick heads and hands out windows until scolded back in, my mother would usually be holding one of the babies in her lap, and three of us rode in what we called the “poop deck”. This was a plywood bench my father had made by some fireman that could be inserted into the flat bed at the rear of the station wagon. It was attached to absolutely nothing and held in place by gravity and, well, us.

Because air conditioning for cars was still on the horizon, we would open the tailgate window and lock it in the “up” position. Three of us actually fought for the honor of traveling on this suicide bench, spending the entire trip making faces at the people in the car behind us (if it was the O’Brien’s, we behaved) and wondering what it said on the printed side of road signs we passed while looking backwards.

Once at the lake, I can’t recall that we ever owned even a single life jacket, except for a small red and yellow striped one in which a toddler could bob around. My brothers and I would sometimes row across the lake at night to catch frogs, with neither parent aware of our absence, our lack of flotation devices, or our lack of sanity. As long as you were in the rack by the time they got to bed, life was good.

Points of Interest along the route.

It was very important to my father that our little caravan go by his firehouse on Crawford (now Pulaski), Engine 95, or later Harrison St, Engine 113. Dad would slow down, honk a few times and wave, a big grin on his face. The other fireman came out from the apparatus floor to wave back and smile. I think some of them were happy for us, but most of them looked relieved that it was us and not them on this little journey. All they had to do was continue going about running into burning, exploding, or collapsing buildings now and again, a relatively easy choice by comparison.

On to the Singing Bridge. The Congress Street Bridge over the Chicago River sits just east of the old post office. As your tires meet the rippled steel that makes up the part of the bridge that can be opened for boat traffic, they change their noise to a sort of high pitched whine. We would wait for it, and then break into uneven sing-songy nonsense to mimic the tire noise. Great fun. My parents would look at each other, roll their eyes and smile at each other, as if to say “What a collection of idiots we’ve produced.”  A few years ago, the bridge was replaced, and lost its voice to some new kind of construction material. Nothing lasts forever, I guess.

You travelled by way of the soaring Skyway, then the Indiana Toll Road through the steel mills, then off to back roads for a few miles. After a few more miles, you could pick up the Michigan Freeway, the massive super highway under construction from the East Coast toward Chicago, growing closer each year, and now known as I- 90. When the bridges turned blue in color, you knew you were in Michigan.

Finally, near Stevensville, Michigan, we turned off into Ritter’s Restaurant. There we would unload and pile into the long table which awaited us, via my mother’s phone calls days before. Today I have grandsons, the youngest seven, who can sit in a restaurant, scan a menu, and order a meal with the practiced ease of a travelling salesman. Not so with us. We got two restaurant breakfasts per year, one at Easter and this one. My mother, always organized, had learned from our first trip here that it took us longer to order the food than it did for the restaurant to cook it. We would gaze at the menu and ponder its meaning, as if it were written in ancient Hebrew.  So she borrowed the menu from that first trip and the week before leaving, we placed our order with her. She would pull out the list of food selections for the whole group, neatly typed on her trusty Underwood manual typewriter, and hand it to the astonished waitress.

Exit 12 was Napier Avenue, and we began to get excited. You passed little crossings and hamlets like Spinks Corner and Coon’s Curve and migrant worker’s shacks until finally you crested a hill and Round Lake at last came into sight. Nerds that we were, we would cheer and break into applause. It still makes me smile when I crest that hill even today.

The cottage

Clancy’s Camp Geraldine was on the side of a hill facing the lake. It consisted of two buildings, each hosting two cottages, one up and one down. Marshall and Eleanor Clancy and their four sons spent the entire summer in one upper cottage. We thought they were the luckiest guys in the world. P.J. Clancy, the old undertaker from the west side, and his wife Minnie Bell, a true Southern Lady in voice and style and grace, occupied the other upper cottage. We rented the cottage below them.

The main lake road ran right past the doors of the upper cottages and the elder residents sat most of the time at street level on outdoor chairs, chatting, smoking, sometimes cooking, and after four o’clock or so, drinking. Upon our arrival, they would flock over to greet us, my Dad saying his hellos and my mother anxious to survey the inside of the cottage. As we all piled out, we were given standing orders not to go down the stairs empty handed, and also to drop our loads at the door, until my mother could figure out where every item was to be stowed. If the weather was warm, it was hard not to try to get a bathing suit on and hit the lake. Not before your stuff was stowed and not before the car was emptied.

Round Lake

The true heart of the vacation was the water. The water you splashed in, swam in, raced in, rowed over, skied over, fished in, and bathed in. Two hundred acres of water, only sixty feet at the deepest, usually weed choked beyond the beaches, and full of fish and turtles to catch. To look across that lake was always liberating for city kids, for the opposite shore seemed so far away. It did a visual number on you. Your big city life afforded you only a look into the window across the gangway or the house across the street or alley. The only obstructions breaking the water’s surface were the piers, the rowboats, and the white wooden rafts, floating on 55 gallon drums and anchored about twenty feet out from the shore; an early rung on the ladder to maturity was achieved when you could swim to the raft by yourself. And always the surface of the lake itself, still as glass in the early morning, so bright you adverted your eyes in the noonday sun, sometimes wild and surly during a storm.

Round Lake was surrounded by cottages, in some ways as tightly packed as the block of two flats we called home in Chicago, but different. There were wooden piers every twenty yards or so, countless rowboats, motorboats, pontoon boats, and little sailboats tied up to those piers. Almost every cottage had a floating raft, too, something kids could swim out to and play “king of the mountain” as a child and for moonlit romance when you were older.

Round Lake was also the death of sanitation for a few weeks. Our cottage contained only one bathroom with a single toilet and a washstand. No tub or shower. Bathing consisted of taking a bar of soap with you into the water, maybe some shampoo for the ladies, and cleaning up alongside the white wooden pier. My mother believed that kids who spent six to eight hours a day swimming, which was a typical warm weather day for us, had to be clean enough by default. I think she was right.

In Search of the Largemouth Bass

I had no idea what my sisters did for those weeks, but my brothers, cousin and I fished constantly, usually clad only in our bathing suits. The lake coughed up bluegill, sunfish, and perch and bullheads. The fish worked in shifts: daytime for the panfish and perch, then exclusively bullheads after dusk. Almost at any time of day and anywhere you dropped a line you could find fish, but our prize was the largemouth bass, the king of freshwater gamefish. We had a tackle box full of guaranteed bass killers, but invariably we grew too impatient and went back to the trusty gas-station- purchased night crawlers and a bobber. We caught some little bass here and there, the most notable of which might have been the one my brother Bill caught on an improbable rubber frog.  He had bought this pale green rubber abomination earlier that summer via mail order and we needled him and laughed at him for weeks. On the first cast, he caught a largemouth that weighed about two pounds, then a record for us. He became an insufferable “expert” for the rest of the summer.

How inexperienced we were as fishermen was pointed out to me one morning when Old Joe Hayes came off the lake as we got ready for church one Sunday. A relative of the Hayes family we knew from Crooked Lake, Joe went fishing only on certain days when the weather conditions were right. He started out before first light and was done by 8 a.m., using a method he called “spatting” which consisted of dangling an unlucky live white baby frog from the end of a twelve foot bamboo pole. He only fished in front of our cottage and maybe twenty or thirty yards in either direction, an area he called “bass lane”. He got out of his boat carrying a stringer full of five to six pound monster bass that I could only dream about catching.

Cold Weather Plans: Deer Forest, Driftwood, the Roller Rink, and the Bowling Alley.

There may be no greater challenge to parents than what to do when the weather turns too-cold in a too-small cottage full of too-bored children. One answer lay in nearby Coloma, Michigan. Deer Forest was a sort of demented amusement park built especially for those “too cold to swim” days. Its main attraction was a lightly wooded forest inside of a fenced-in enclosure full of small deer, ranging from fawns to yearlings. For five cents you could buy some dried corn in a Safe-T-Cone (a popular ice cream cone then) and walk into the enclosure. The deer would immediately swarm in and mob you, knowing you had food. If you held your cup of corn behind you, you would find out the deer already knew this trick and send one or more of their number behind you. Your cup of corn would disappear in one toothy deer gulp. Preschoolers would scream and grade schoolers giggled and laughed, as did parents watching their kids alternately laughing, crying, or shrieking. The deer didn’t care; they only understood free food.

Deer Forest had also never heard of the ASPCA. It featured caged displays such as the Dancing Chicken and the Piano Playing Duck, both live, both standing on metal plates that passed low voltage through their feet if they didn’t dance or play for you. They had all sorts of tired, tied up animals like ponies, lambs, and one honest to god ancient reindeer. They had a Santa’s Workshop in which you could meet with a perspiring Santa and add your Christmas wish to his book. One lady ahead of me in line had written that she hoped the owners would be jailed for creating this awful place.

Driftwood was within walking distance of our cottage, and hence a daily visit. It was a two story structure on the lake consisting of the owner’s apartment on top and one of the cheesiest gift shop-pinball hall-soda fountain-vacation sundries places you could ever hope to see. For me it represented illegal fireworks and comic books. It stands there today, having passed from owner to owner, but somehow always the same. It was always noisy with the sound of pinball machines, teenage music, and kids. I can still taste the ice cream.

The bowling alley and the roller rink were across the street from our cottage. The bowling alley was a late comer; the Ramona Roller Rink appeared to have been built before time existed, an old dried wooden construction, painted green and white. The roller rink was all about being a teenager, so we had no business there. Besides, only girls roller skated in our world.

There was another and sadder world intermingled, yet separate from all of this. We were too young to know or care much about the people we called “berry pickers”, but they were there. These were the migrant workers from Mexico who followed the crops; July and August found them in strawberry and blueberry country. We passed their low tarpapered shacks on the way in from the city, and we might see them washing clothes at the Laundromat, but beyond that, they stayed invisible. While we were families of blue collar workers, perhaps without a lot of material wealth to show for it, they were the true working poor.

We didn’t know that they couldn’t use the lake, nor were they welcome in the Silver Creek Catholic Church we attended, nor were they allowed in the bars or stores. Their children did not attend schools. You can find them toiling there still today, but the living conditions are a little better and the social barriers are mostly gone, reduced but not eliminated in the long struggle for equality and civil rights of the sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond.

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Tolstoy once wrote that “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” We were and still are a happy family, like most families, I suppose. Our individual and collective memories of those family times bind us together and give meaning to that happiness. My kids have their own memories from the same lakes in later years, but those memories belong mostly to them, as mine do to my brothers and sisters.

Round Lake, indeed the whole area of Sister Lakes seems to change more slowly than the rest of the world, certainly slower than bustling Chicago. The old red hay barn across the lake that framed so many long ago sunsets is finally itself gone now. Some of the humble pre-war cottages have been replaced by 6,000 square foot year-around “McMansions”. Some of the new powerboats are too big for the lake they are on.

But it does slowly change, and, I suppose, will someday go the way of the Singing Bridge. Still, the memories can make you smile and keep you young.